I keep a jar of paperclips by my bed, and I bend them into animal shapes in my sleep.  Look, this is a frog, this is a zebra with a comb-over.  I don’t know how I do it, but when I wake up, they’re bent into shapes and snuggled in the sheets with me.  Paperclip penguins are the best at snuggling.

I made a paperclip horse once and swallowed it by mistake.  I must have inhaled it in a severe snore, and when I woke up it was in my stomach, prancing around.  The only way to remove was to go to sleep the next night and swallow a paperclip cowboy to coax it out.

I had to pay the cowboy eighty dollars cash, upfront, but it was worth it.  The horse was safe and so was I.